Movie – Fast Five: D

I have no idea how this movie received enough favorable reviews to warrant a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m a fan of action movies and can suspend my disbelief to the extent to enjoy most of them, but the stunts were so obviously impossible even the most layman theater-goer would find them hard to swallow. All the dialog is awful; all of it. I don’t think Vin Diesel can remember more than one sentence at a time. He spent the whole movie delivering insipid one-liners with a stupid look on his face. They also shoved a pointless car race and some other references to underground racing just so they could justifiably include it in the franchise.


Movie – Flow: D

Documentaries are generally good, even those that are politically-driven, but this look at the privatization of water presented such a slanted take on the subject that it reminded me of some conspiracy theory documentary. The few good points were drowned out by the rantings and pseudo-statistics of the activists the movie interviewed in lieu of more credible, unbiased sources.

Movie – The Eagle: D

Started off with a couple barely exciting battles, then descended into a quagmire of stagnant conversations alternating between glorifying and lambasting Rome, which was never really resolved. After an eternity of looking at neat landscapes, things start happening again with a few more barely exciting battles and then the stoic hero and his slave-turned-best-friend emerge triumphant, of course. Also of note: not a single female had a speaking role.