Movie – Red 2: C-

red 2C-
A while back, I read Mary-Louise Parker was quitting acting because internet trolls were too mean to her. I initially thought that sounded like an overreaction, but after seeing her in Red 2, I can understand the level of vehemence that could have potentially been flung toward her. Every time she speaks in this film I want to stab my brain to remove the offending memory. Her character was beyond annoying, going so far as to suck away the joy I would usually have when viewing the shenanigans of her co-stars. It certainly didn’t help that the story got progressively dumber as it went. The dialog sounded like a first draft. The first film veered wildly from the source comic, but stayed on an entertaining course. This one veered even further, careening through the railing and off a cliff.

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Movie – Transformers: Dark of the Moon: B-


B-
It was the best of the series. But the best of bad doesn’t make it awesome by any stretch. For some unfathomable reason, the audience is again forced to sit through excruciatingly long scenes of humans attempting to act out human, not-at-all-robot-related, relationship and vocational problems. And not only are the scenes long and painful, they contain nearly a dozen characters no one should ever care about! Eventually some Transformers show up and then awesome, but visually confusing, things happen and things go splodey. Luckily, Bay slowed down then action, and brightened it up for 3D which helps the aforementioned visual confusion. The action is better, the silly scenes aren’t quite as bad as the previous films (though still exhausting) but the plot is still a quagmire and the editing is so bad that it’s distracting. And finally, Dark of the Moon is one of the worst subtitles ever.