Movie – G.I. Joe Retaliation: B+

gi joe retaliationB+
I never saw The Rise of Cobra, opting to wait for The Rock’s introduction as the franchise-fixer he seems to be now. I also wasn’t a fan of the G.I. Joe cartoon as a kid, though I did enjoy the toys, especially the ridiculous vehicles, and of course, the ninjas. Those two things played prominently in my enjoyment of Retaliation. There’s a ninja fight on the side of a mountain that was particularly entertaining. Naturally, the plot is a mess of nonsense and cliche character arcs, but there’s a truly bold move early in the film that instantly warmed me to the rest. Though there’s also a pointlessly bold move late in the film, only there to spice up the trailer.


Movie – Fast Five: D

I have no idea how this movie received enough favorable reviews to warrant a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m a fan of action movies and can suspend my disbelief to the extent to enjoy most of them, but the stunts were so obviously impossible even the most layman theater-goer would find them hard to swallow. All the dialog is awful; all of it. I don’t think Vin Diesel can remember more than one sentence at a time. He spent the whole movie delivering insipid one-liners with a stupid look on his face. They also shoved a pointless car race and some other references to underground racing just so they could justifiably include it in the franchise.

Movie – Faster: B

The Rock was much better in this than he was in Fast Five. Here, he got revenge in a such a visceral fashion that it was quite enjoyable. His seemingly flat character even learned some lessons and changed himself, though not so much as to detract from all the bloody vengeance he needed to administer. The assassin character, however, was utterly useless and served no point but to provide plot filler. And the assassin’s wife was so amazingly awful that I wondered if it was intended as farce.